LA Children's Hospital

Okay I think I am finally ready to post about this.
I am cognizant that all Allie will have of this is what we convey to her, and that this post is a big part of it. And for that reason I am hesitant to post. But at the same time, she deserves to feel pride in her toughness and her strength.
Okay, so here's how it went for us Allie...
We started with your pediatrician Dr. Edralin, he referred us to Dr. Shaul, a pediatric surgeon. He ordered lumbar xrays, kidney function test, ultrasound. All results from each of those tests came back with perfect results. The bony structure of your spine is perfect. The lumbar xrays told us that. Your spinal cord is perfect, your kidneys function correctly. Dr. Shaul then consulted with a pediatric neurosurgeon who recommended an MRI. On January 26th, we did the MRI at Children's hospital in LA. This test told us that yes there was a dermal sinus. They could see that there was a sinus running from the opening in your skin in through (between) the bones of your spine and in to the membrane of your spinal cord. They could also see from the MRI that there had previously been infection and that there was likely to be recurrent infection if not treated surgically.
We were then referred to pediatric neurosurgeons in LA.
We were originally referred to a Dr. McComb who partners with Dr. Mark Krieger.
I wanted Dr. Krieger as our surgeon and with many phone calls I was able to get your case transferred to him. This may singly be the most important thing I have ever done.
We had our surgical consult with Dr. Krieger on February 10th. I stood outside his office with a pen and paper looking at his wall of credentials. I copied down quickly the ones that mattered most to me:
Undergrad: Harvard
Med school: Columbia
Former chief resident of pediatric neurosurgery for CHLA.
I knew that if we were going to stay and have this done in California that I wanted Dr. Krieger, as I had done many hours of research. But until meeting him, I was not convinced we would not be going to Boston or Pittsburgh. Dr. Krieger had come recommended by Dr. Shaul with the commendation "He is the best, better than Cedars-Sinai, better than UCLA, stick with Drs. Krieger and McComb". Okay, we'll see.
But upon meeting him, I knew there was no one else we would go to. Not that Dr. Krieger was warm and fuzzy. No. He was just purely what I would want from a surgeon- "I don't have to like you, you just have to be the best". and he was. You could feel it.
So he came in, showed us the MRI, explained we had to have surgery, the sooner the better. I started with my extensive list of questions and he answered them honestly and completely. Many of his answers were this-- "Yes that could happen, however that has never happened in one of my laminectomies". and he has done hundreds. ok.
They scheduled us for pre-op the next day with a surgery date of Monday the 15th. Whirlwind. Exactly how I liked it. If we have to do it, get it done as quickly as possible.
So on Monday February 15th, we arrived at CHLA at 5:30am. We went through all the check in process for a few hours, by 7:15am we were in the final phase and ready to meet with your team. First a young anesthesiologist came in. Too young. Made me nervous. Shortly thereafter Dr. Krieger came in and assured me he had not been out the night before and had eaten his wheaties that morning per my instructions. He then introduced us to your real anesthesiologist who just happened to be the head of the department. Yes, the number one guy in the entire hospital. Whew. Then you met your nurse. She talked and smiled at you and then when she tried to leave you cried and held out your arms to her. Our team was perfect. You were given the versaid and started to feel drowsy, I snuggled you and whispered in your ear. Think of it as your first pep-talk. Before I was ready, we were headed down the hall (they thankfully let me carry you) and then waaay before I was ready, I needed to put you on the gurney to go to the operating room. The fear I felt in that moment was unlike anything else I have ever experienced. I stood there and whispered to you while the number one ped. neurosurgeon and the head anesthesiologist stood and waited. It was like they weren't even there. I told you over and over "you can DO this. You can SO do this". and then I kissed you and smelled you and laid you down on that gurney. That feeling alone of laying you down and letting you go was easily the hardest, most gut-wrenchingly horrible feeling I have every experienced. I still cannot think of those moments without tears pouring down my cheeks. I turned to Daddy as they took you to the O.R. and he held me to keep from running after you. He just held me as I sobbed. But in true Megan fashion- the tears were soon over and my confidence in you kicked in. This was a girl who exhibited NONE of the symptoms of the condition. NOT ONE. You are tough.
So the waiting began. Half way through surgery Dr. Krieger had someone phone down to let us know that your surgery was going well. thank you.
After agonizing hours, instead of being taken up for results and consult, Dr. Krieger comes walking in to the surgical waiting room. I literally jumped out of my chair and almost ran to him. He looked a little startled. The most important thing he said was that although the sinus was quite wide, it did not go as deeply as they had suspected. It went only to the derma. That's good! So they fixed the sinus, and checked to make sure there was no further problem below. Clear. Way too long thereafter we were able to go up and see you. You were so sleepy. You snored for the first twenty minutes with you. It was adorable. I spent the next few hours bent over you snuggling you while you tried to sleep. Eventually they moved us to a room (the surgical floor was nearly full) that room didn't work, so we had them move us to a different room and it was fine. That was Monday night. You had to lay on your back for 48 hours. Ya right. By Tuesday morning you wanted to get up and crawl around! I got us a regular hospital bed so I could lay with you and help keep you as still as possible. It worked surprisingly well. But by Wednesday we were SO ready to go home. At around 4pm we were finally discharged. Over the next week you learned to walk.!!! Impossible I know- but that is so you. Instead of laying around recovering from surgery you insisted on being up and taking your first steps. This is you Allie. This is what I meant when I said "You can DO this. you can SO do this".
You are amazing to me in so many ways. You are braver than me, you are stronger than me. You make me proud and most of all you humble me. I am lucky to call you my daughter, I am blessed that we were chosen for each other.
Your scar is what it is. It is a constant reminder that you went through a hard thing when you had to and you are now healthier and stronger because of it. Do not forget that. It is part of who you are and you have a physical reminder of your strength and that's pretty dang awesome.

Mmmmmm Cake!

Allie is Walking!!!!

My baby can walk! She walked between my mom and Robbie this afternoon. YAY! Then later she walked between Robbie and I. She is such a funny little person. She gets behind Addison's shopping cart and walks that thing in laps allll the way around our house and when my mom tries to help her, she gets VERY exasperated and yells at her. NO TOUCH GRANDMA!! lol. She is definitely a bossy little thing. She gets it from her Daddy for sure!
Yep, she started walking less than a week after back surgery. pretty amazing.

A few more birthday pics...

I LOVE these last two...

Party Day!

On Saturday the 6th we threw Allie her Birthday party! It was VERY valentines-y and I loved it!! We had balloons and confetti and hanging decorations and stuff stuck to the walls and treat bags and cupcakes and everything else I could think of. It was GREAT! I am totally leaving all the decorations up until after Valentines Day. =)









Allie is such a beautiful little girl. She wants to please me and that just makes me want to please her even more. Today I was trying to get Addison's socks on her and Allie was sitting in my lap. I said, "I need some toes" and even though i was talking to Addison, Allie stuck her toes right up in the air. Like- "here's some toes Mommy". It made me smile and made my heart warm. That is so her.
She has a sweet heart and is every bit a Momma's girl. She always knows where I am and if I am in the house, no one else will do.

Allie, I love you. I was overjoyed when we found out that you were a little girl. I am thankful I can remember the moment. I knew in my heart that yours was the spirit our family needed and it has clearly been shown that that is true.
While I was pregnant with you, I felt that your great-grandma Leavitt was very close. Many times I could feel her and knew that she was with you. That was, and remains a precious knowledge and is an invaluable connection achieved only through you.
Many times when I look at you I see my mom. You will learn as you grow that that is a treasure. I pray for you that not only will you continue to have her physical characteristics, but that you will emulate her spirit and her grace as well. You are truly a treasure to our family and a pure blessing to my heart. Allie, I love you. Happy Birthday my baby.

Happy Birthday Allie Madison!

Allie's birthday was AWESOME! Her actual birthdate is February 4th and we had a little family party that day. I cannot believe she is one. I want her to be so little still!
Her birthday started out with a delivery from the the flower shop...Aunt Nichole, Uncle Jeff and William had sent her the cutest bear ever and balloons. I have never seen her "own" something so completely as she owned that. She would not let it out of her grasp. She would grab a handful of the strings for the balloons and drag that bear all over the house! It was so funny. There was nowhere she wasn't taking that bear!

Allie liked her cake. Wait. She liked the frosting I should say!
Look at Addison looking longingly at the cake! lol

Ahhhh, Addi finally got her cake....she could eat every speck of frosting off the piece of cake without actually eating ANY of the cake itself. Kind of amazing really. =)

Bunki-bed

Addison has slept one night in her bed, one in her crib. One nap in her bed, one in her crib. She still likes the security of her crib, sometimes the bunk bed is just too new for her to settle down in. That's fine. I ask her each time and it works great.
She knows the rules- she gets up to do anything but use the restroom, she has to go to her crib. I just say "crib" and she takes off running for her cribby. There has been no crying about it yet. I just walk in, lift her in to her crib say good night and leave. no drama. Ahhhh, it's nice! Can I leave the crib in her room forever?? lol.
oh and she calls her big girl bed her "bunki-bed". It's so cute.

Charades

So this morning I was rocking Allie and from my rocker in her room I can see the hall from Addison's room. So after a few minutes, here comes Addison stumbling down the hall half asleep. She sees me, then sees Allie and assumes Allie is asleep...the fun begins! She stays right outside Allie's door and jumps in the air and throws her arms around, "I'm up I'm up", then gets a sad face and signs "drink drink drink", sooo thirsty. So I wave good morning and then point to my bedroom and sign drink back. She disappears for a minute and then she's back with my cup of water. Then she looks at Allie and signs "baby sleep"? I smile and nod yes so she signs "eat?eat?" and then points to the stairs to tell me she wants to go down and eat. I shake my head no and tell her sleep momma's bed. she smiles and waves bye bye.
I have laughed about this all day.
1- because we communicated all that completely silently and
2- because Allie was awake the whole time. lol.
3- she was exactly where I knew she would be when I went to find her. In my bed eating the cereal that I keep in my nightstand for her.
She will rule charades here shortly!!